2019 Razzball Team Preview: Seattle Mariners

For the Seattle Mariners, all is lost… Well, well, well…..What in the ever-loving mother of the elder gods do we have here!!? Baseball is upon, guys/gals, and after taking a brief hiatus to give my absolute all to battling some forces that were severely limiting my effectiveness as a writer, I return to thee thirsty for battle, lusting for justice, soothsaying for savants, and fully equipped to do battle with any who shall oppose me in this art form of writing about the game we know and love; Fantasy Baseball. I have missed this so much, truly, I have. Sadly, you are not here to read about me and newfound love of life and everyone in it, but to discover sort of a basic understanding of what the Seattle Mariners are up to…..I will try to put it into words, which may prove difficult, being that I’m not allowed to drop F-bombs or post dick pics, but here’s a hint; IT’S ALL BAD!!!!! Like, it’s rotting badger carcass under your backseat bad, when whom you believe to be your dream girl blows up your bathroom after railing an eight-ball to the face bad, like, any Nicolas Cage movie from the last ten years bad, like, REALLY, REALLY, ASTRONOMICALLY PISS POOR!!!!!! Say one thing for the Seattle Mariners, say they are going absolutely going to be one one of the five worst teams in the sport this season. Before I get started, did anyone read the Minnesota Twins preview? I was starting to blast the dude on Twitter for buying fake followers, only to realize he’s a professional wrestler!?!?!?! WHAT!?!?!?! Is this real? Can someone confirm? If so, it is with great honor that I accept this cohabitation of mannishness, and look forward to continuing the greatness of Razzball, thee premier site for fantasy baseball. Aaaaahkay, now let’s set it off in this MF. I am Tehol Beddict and this is your Seattle Mariners team preview. TAKE HEED! Check out our other team previews here!

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