I Haven’t Seen A Minor Throw This Many Pitches Since High School

For some of you too young to remember (ya know, all of you 4-year-olds reading a fantasy baseball blog), Jose Reyes sat out after a 1st inning single in order to win a batting title in 2011. A weasel move if there ever was one. It’s like sleeping with Kate Hudson, Kate Upton and Kate Beckinsale then declaring you’re off the market for life because you’ve got the Triple Kate Crown. Not even trying for Kate Bush, Kate Gosselin or a Kate Spade handbag. You sold yourself short, just like Jose Reyes. Well, yesterday was, well, have I said ‘well’ yet, well, um, well, Mike Minor (8 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.59) got 200 Ks on the season. He did. There’s no denying it, but here’s the path he took: He gave up five runs, didn’t look great, was at 117 pitches and came out for the 8th inning because he needed one more K for 200. Much to his chagrin, he threw a 1-2-3 8th inning on three pitches. So, would he come out for the 9th? You betcha, home slice! Skullduggery was afoot! He got another out, then a two-strike count to Chris Owings, when Owings popped up to Ronald Guzman in foul territory. Guzman, knowing Minor needed another K for 200, dropped the pop-up and his dugout cheered. Baseball:  team sport.  Then, on the next pitch, he struck out Chris Owings and got his 200th K on an 86 MPH winded-as-all-get-out fastball that was called a change with an eye roll on the 126th pitch. So, does this make Minor as bad as Reyes? Much worse? Or better because he was at least trying to do more? No one will ever be as bad as Jose Reyes! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rougned Odor – 1-for-4 and his 29th homer. Rangers’ manager, Steve Winwood, said after the game, “If Odor needs 700 more at-bats to get 30 homers and a .050 batting average, we will play all day on Sunday into next week!  Let’s get dem accomplishments!”  Any hoo! There’s no Buy column later this afternoon, because everyone is a buy or sell at this point, but Odor does have two homers in the last three games, so whee!

Danny Santana – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (27) and legs (19). Yo, Dannys Antana nearly getting 30/20 this year when he wasn’t owned for the 1st two months is no story because of how bizzonkers offense is, but should be a story.

Willie Calhoun – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 21st homer. Willie hitting third and the Rangers not playing him for five-sixths of the season really P’s me off. Major P’ing here. I’m like Moises Alou but in anger.

Jackie Bradley Jr. – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer. Nice to see JBJ return to the Dallas-area and this time give a shot rather than take one.

Willians Astudillo – 4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. The B lineup of the Twins saw Astudillo hitting third with Jonathan Schoop (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) hitting his 23rd homer and their B lineup scored ten runs and is so much better than the Tigers’ A lineup.

Jose Quintana – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.68. It’s hard to overemphasis how good the Cubs made the very, very bad Pirates look over the last two weeks.

Cole Hamels – With Darvish and Hendricks officially done for the year, Hamels will start on Saturday. I’m sure that will turn out well. Ow, eye roll headache!

Daniel Palka – 2-for-3 and his 1st and 2nd homer. If you needed two home runs yesterday to win your league, you can’t put a price on Palka. Are you saying Yelich was more valuable than Palka? Trout? Acuña? Okay, what did they do for you yesterday? That’s what I’m saying! Best. Sleeper. Of. 2019.

Felix Hernandez – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.40, as he made what we most likely be his final start for the Mariners. Sadly, for some other team next year, he’s about to make his 1st start. He feels like a terrible Angels signing that will almost definitely happen. Alas, F-Her in the Big A is supposed to be a thing of beauty.

Sean Manaea – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.21. I can’t wait to be saying next May something like, “Manaea now has an under-2 ERA in his last three months dating back to last year,” while he’s on my teams.

Eric Thames – Left yesterday’s game with hamstring soreness. I got irrationally upset at this. I need every at-bat I can get and this guy plays for one inning and leaves. He couldn’t have just sat out the freakin’ game so I could’ve replaced him? I’m so big mad!

Aristides Aquino – 3-for-5 and a slam (18) and legs (7). He’s 7-for-7 in steal chances and has been everything to me. What a horse! I will call him, Aristidequestrian Aquino.

Luis Castillo – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.40. Blech, terrible way to end the year. Dot dot dot. Unless you don’t own him and he was setting us up to get him a little cheaper next year, then well done, Castillo! Or Ka-still-yo, if I’m pronouncing it.

Tyler Beede – 3 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 0 baserunners, 7 Ks and left with a tweaked muscle because I can’t have anything nice and I streamed him, due to the Streamonator, and he was throwing a perfect game before my luck entered into the equation.

Mauricio Dubon – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer. I’m fine with him homering because I own him, how’sever, I am not happy the announcer’s home run call for him was Du-boing. That is very disrespectful and I won’t have it. It should be ‘pop goes Duboner.’

Mike Yastrzemski – 2-for-3 and his 21st homer. Singing loudly, “It must’ve been cold there in Grandfather Carl’s shadow–” Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you come in. Here, have some brandy and cozy up to my mustache–Metaphorically, you weirdo! Yaz II is going to be an interesting name in shallower leagues in 2020, where he likely won’t even be drafted or picked up until May after I tell you to pick him up for five weeks straight.

Zack Wheeler – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.96. This start felt like every Wheeler start this year. Running smoothly, looking good, then into a guardrail where Curtis Granderson and some guy named Heineman, who may or may not be mayonnaise, homers off Wheeler.

Joey Lucchesi – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.18. My brain is so damaged I don’t know if we’re looking at a 4.18 ERA from Joey Lucchesi of the Rigatoni Crime Family as a success or failure.

Clayton Kershaw – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.05. This may come as a surprise to some of you, but, on the Player Rater, Kershaw had a better year than Ryu. Don’t put on Creed and start writing a strongly-worded letter to me, it was close.

Michael Taylor – 3-for-4 and his 1st homer. Returning to that 2016-19 sleeper glory!

Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting near-.375 in the last week and I grabbed him in one shallower leagues. All hands and Asdrubals on deck!

Stephen Strasburg – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.32. As I’ll go over more of in the following weeks when I recap positions, but I just realized recently that Strasburg was near the top NL pitcher on the Player Rater. I mean, he wasn’t bad, but a 3.32 ERA was the top NL starter? *scribbling out a book’s title “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?” and changing it to “They Don’t Face DHs, Do They?” then burning the book*

Cesar Hernandez – 2-for-4 and his 13th homer. Weird writing up Cesar while I wear a toga. Maybe I’ll switch out to my Body Glove so Giancarlo can blow all five of me.

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