New D-Back Josh Rojas Offers Power, Speed, And Multi-Cultural J Phonemes

Josh Rojas (2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI) was called up and played left field with David Peralta moving to the bench for the 2nd night in a row. I said to sell Peralta about three months ago, so I got no skin in that game and I’m not flustered by that flushing. Good night and good riddance, you 2018 career year-er! Grey’s got a take no prisoners attitude, which is what he says during his interview to be a prison guard. What a schmuck! Hey, that’s me!  Josh Rojas has been mentioned exactly zero times on Razzball.  A Googlewhack! (Razzwhack?) Likely because Rojas came on strong just this year, and previously appeared to be a Quad-A player, unless he’s a late bloomer. Hello Sharks!  My product is an underwear line for Cougars called Late Bloomers! The Prospectonator loves Rojas, giving him a 15/29/.260 over 150 games. That’s an absolute fire emoji.  I’m tentative for his playing time (are they benching Peralta indefinitely?), but I grabbed him in one league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Psych! Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to point out that we’ve started doing fantasy football videos at the top of the post. Anime Grey is learning the ways of the pigskin with sherpas, Donkey Teeth and Rudy. If you don’t watch, you will be labeled a traitor and sent to a hard labor camp, which would suck for you. Also, if anyone’s into a “Beat Rudy Gamble” NFFC league (it’s like the NFBC leagues we do), then join here. Use RAZZBALL25 code and get $25 off $150 entry and you can win a thousand or more smackeroos. BUT MAYBE YOU DON’T LIKE MONEY.  Anyway II:

Merrill Kelly – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.75. Well, that was ugly, naturally. It was in Coors. Streamonator is actually positive on Kelly for his next start, and that might be the 1st time all year I’ve seen that. Do you have the pants grapes it takes?

Jake Lamb – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 5th homer, hitting .224.  Lamb in Coors = Bah-bah Arenado. Okay, math is way off there, but the sentiment remains.

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Nick Ahmed – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Hot schmotato, sure, but beyond that, he’s in Coors. If you’re not picking up every hitter vs. the Orioles and in Coors, you’re not doing the batty call correctly.

Ryan McMahon – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer. McMahon goes into Coors and he becomes Triple H.

Luis Severino – Could face live hitters this weekend. Get those stethoscopes out on the on-deck circle!

Luke Voit – Ran sprints yesterday and said his hernia felt good, adding, “Wanna feel?”

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Gleyber Torres – 4-for-8, 7 RBIs and his 24th, 25th and 26th homer. Should’ve likely been the lede today, but how many times can I talk about the Yanks beating up on the O’s?  Hitting against the O’s for Gleyber is like trying to get an infant to laugh with a peek-a-boo and tickle. Yo, O’s, Gleyber didn’t take your nose, he’s simply putting his thumb between his other fingers. Get a hold of yourselves! Torres vs. everyone except the O’s:  .261/.326/.420, .746 OPS; Torres vs. the O’s: .400/.474/1.060, 1.534 OPS. And that was entering yesterday! Now his OPS vs. the O’s is incalculable.

Cameron Maybin – 1-for-7 and his 8th homer. Not saying he’s good, but he has been good for the last–Oh, wait a minute, the Yanks are facing the Orioles, yeah, that’s right.

Didi Gregorius – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .263. The Yankees should have a rule: If you don’t hit a home run vs. the Orioles, you have to do 100 burpees. You also can’t google what a burpee is so we can have fun with Breyvic Valera trying to figure out what it is. By the way, Breyvic Valera is a player’s name and I didn’t randomly open a Game of Thrones book and point to a page.

Gio Urshela – 6-for-9, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .332. His full name is “Gee, O’s again? Yum!”

James Paxton – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.40. I heard Paxton has a problem with high-stress matchups, well, the O’s made him look pretty whatevs, so was this high stress? Was he trying to impress the O’s pitching coach? Because Steve Wilkerson could do that.

Gabriel Ynoa – 6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.93. Some say Ynoa, but the O’s ask Y not?

Anthony Santander – 3-for-8 and his 10th homer, hitting .304.  He’s hitting near-.330 with six homers since the break.  Can Santand-ya!

Trey Mancini – 2-for-9, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 28th and 29th homer. If you drafted Mancini, Soler and Yuli Gurriel in an AL-Only league, let me touch ya, you golden child.  Ooh, look at you, with your psychic abilities that you only use for fantasy baseball!

Tommy Pham – Out with a sore hand. That’s never good to hear. Most use their ears. Think you have to wait it out to see what the deal is with Pham. Can he deal with that hand? If not, Uno’s gonna suck in the Rays’ clubhouse.

Michael Chavis – Likely out a month with an AC sprain. Damn, in this heat? Scoop out the Icy from the Icy/Hot and pat your forehead!

Andrew Cashner – Demoted to the bullpen, after the Orioles said, “No take backsies!”

Jose Martinez – Will be out a month with an AC sprain. Wow, another AC issue. This is worse than The Blackout of 1978.  That was when our air conditioning went out and I had to rub my grandmother’s feet with ice cubes. *shudders*

Randy Arozarena – Called up to replace Jo-Ma. Fun Fact! Randy Arozarena is a name made-up by the Coen Brothers. Here’s what Prospect Mike said about him, “Arozarena crushed in AA (.396) but struggled a good bit when he was promoted to AAA Memphis (.232). He’ll likely start the 2019 season there and I doubt we see him before September. His profile is pretty balanced (a touch low on power), and also hates Grey.” Aw, c’mon!  Arozarena profiles like a prior-to-2019 Michael Brantley-type, solid average, some steals, some power, nothing glamorous, nothing awful. If he’s getting everyday playing time, I could see a deep mixed league flier.

Yadier Molina – Activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “When I said you should ask Paul where the staples are, I wasn’t insinuating anything about how he had his stomach stapled.”

Brandon Drury – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .232, and his three homers in nine games, which likely doesn’t mean anything because the Blow Jays scored 19 runs and juiced ball bazinga!

Randal Grichuk – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 21st homer. He never hits only one home run, so immediate hot schmotato.

Justin Smoak – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 19th homer. He could be hot; that is Smoak, after all. However, the Blow Jays really should move on from this schmohawk. Just DFA him. He does nothing for your team.

Danny Jansen – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. The homer came off Jeff Mathis, but it still counts.  Do you hear that, Javy Baez?

Willie Calhoun – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer.  Quick, Rangers, get him out of the lineup!

Nomar Mazara – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 16th homer. Quick, Rangers, send him down!

Rougned Odor – 2-for-4 and his 21st homer, hitting .208. Quick, Rangers, give Odor 600 ABs when literally any other team would’ve benched or DFA’d him two seasons ago.

Eduardo Rodriguez – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.31. Man, dude, five girl readers, he’s a miserable own, right? I’m sorry I ever recommended him, and it was lots of recommending. He can’t just bear down when shizz goes sideways. Maybe at some point in his career, but right now I feel about him how I feel about Pineda. When it’s good, great, but there’s always a mollywhopping nearby.

J.D. Martinez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 28th homer, hitting .310.  Just Dong because anything else wouldn’t be civilized.

Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .250.  The landmark .250!  Jo-Jo Ram’s gonna be an interesting one next year. People saw how awful he can be, which I foresaw months before everyone, but we know he can be decent too. So, where does that leave us? Prolly edge of top 25, but a smoking final six weeks can change that still.

Franmil Reyes – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer, and 1st for the Indians. Indians fans, “So, this is the guy that Grey said is like a $54 vending machine steak? Now I get it!” (No, you don’t.)

Carlos Santana – 3-for-4, 3 runs and his 26th homer. Too bad the trading deadline has past, the Red Sox might’ve wanted to trade for Santana to stop their bullpen from bleeding. That whole not picking a closer is working out splendidly for Alex Cora.

Jose Suarez – 3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.57. Not sure why the Streamonator has a robot metal rod for Suarez, but I don’t trust him at all.

Kevin Newman – 2-for-5, 2 runs, and his 7th homer.  Hello Newman!

Josh Bell – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer. He took a two-month siesta, but he’s back in the lead for MLB RBIs at 95. Ribbies are whatever, said Pablo Sandoval never, but it shows you how ridiculous it is when people worry about guys on bad teams getting counting stats. The Pirates are not good; Bell still got RBIs.

Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-5 and his 12th homer. He’s breaking the glass ceiling on his power expectations. Speaking of which (terrible segue!), everyone should watch Blown Away on Netflix, a reality show about glass blowing. It’s so good I’m about to sign up for a glass blowing class and hopefully not burn my hands off my body.

Mitch Keller – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners 4 Ks, ERA at 7.94, as he was recalled from the minors. This was the absolute best case scenario for him — bad opponent, huge early lead — and he still barely looked passable. Don’t trust Pirates pitchers, unless they’re traded to another team.

Joey Lucchesi – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.25. Super stoked about starting him in a weekly league for his one start at home (yesterday), so now Joey Lucchesi of the Neapolitan Ice Cream Family can get sandwiched in his next road start.

Sean Doolittle – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.73, as he barely wriggled out a save (27). The Mets might’ve broken Doolittle. The problem is if you’re handcuffing him, who are you going with, The Imaginary Dragon Slayer?

Howie Kendrick – 1-for-1 as he was activated from the IL. I’m told he didn’t get activated as much as burst out of Asdrubal’s stomach like Alien.

Matt Adams – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .244. It’s silly how my mind can’t let me get past me not bidding a dollar on Adams and instead going for Ryan Zimmerman in a deep NL-Only league. Wait, not silly, I mean painful.

Trea Turner – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .290. Sick of saying the same shizz — And that’s me quoting me!  Hot schmotato alert! GreyBot3000 overheating! Send supplies! — However, it is so annoying that Turner thinks I want freakin’ homers from him. Steal a base!

Freddy Galvis – Claimed off waivers by the Reds. I don’t want to be that guy, but what the eff are the Reds doing? Galvis is 100% prospblock, not even 1% valuable for a team who should be rebuilding. Start literally anyone but Galvis, you dumbnuts.

Jesse Winker – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer. Ya gotta appreciate Winker’s commitment to not becoming a power hitter in these juiced-ball days. Takes a certain amount of gravitas to keep the ball down.

Aristides Aquino – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .429. Fun with sample sizes: Prorated stats for a 162-game season has Aquino with 4,505 homers.

Nelson Cruz – Diagnosed with a ruptured tendon in his wrist, which is the good news, apparently, because he’s going to resume hitting. This is good news like, “Bernie is dead, but we can use his house for the weekend for a party!” is good news.

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