Refusing to learn from past mistakes, various general managers around the league have ensured there are still plenty of terrible contracts for blog boys such as myself to poke fun at.
Sometimes these moves stem from stupidity, sometimes from desperation, and sometimes from low self-esteem, as seen when small market teams lock down their only quasi star like your historically lonely mate spending twice his annual income on a ring for the first girl to ever look his way.
Now, a quick programming note before we begin: this list does not include those awful contracts which are due to expire next summer (so you’re off the hook Chandler Parsons and Bismack Biyombo – and soon, your teams will be too).
5 years, $120 million
(2 years, $52.7 million remaining)
The Hornets’ irresponsible spending is arguably matched only by my former colleague, Rowan.
Rowan surprised everyone in the office when he saved his first handful of paycheques, before one day he showed up in an ancient, beaten up Mustang and suddenly everything made sense.
The key difference between Rowan and the Hornets is that Rowan does not have access to hundreds of millions of dollars (thank God).
The worst of Charlotte’s recent financial decisions was splurging on a 5-year, $120 million-dollar deal for Nicolas Batum back in 2016.
As an intriguing yet expensive and unsustainable investment, Batum was Charlotte’s Mustang.
Pretty much the entire Charlotte Hornets roster
The Hornets are paying Nicolas Batum, Terry Rozier, Bismack Biyombo and Marvin Williams almost $80 million per year combined.
Let that sink in.
That’s the kind of sh*t that gets your bank account frozen due to suspicious activity.
At least Biyombo and Williams are coming off the books next season, but don’t rule out the Hornets inexplicably trading assets just to get them back down the track, like they did with Biyombo.
5 years, $206 million
(4 years, $171 million remaining)
The Rockets are paying $342 million across the next four years for a Harden-Westbrook combo that so far has shown little signs of working.
It’s early days, but no one should be surprised if pairing last season’s leaders in usage and turnovers doesn’t lead to meaningful success.
Westbrook, who’s game will clearly not age well with diminished athleticism, will earn $47 million as a 34-year-old in the final year of his deal.
4 years, $170 million
(4 years, $170 million remaining)
John Wall’s fall from grace has been so dramatic that even Adidas wants out, with the brand negotiating a buyout just two years into Wall’s five-year endorsement deal.
Just 18 months ago, Wall was playing in his fifth consecutive All-Star Game.
Now he isn’t playing at all, and as a speed-reliant player coming back from an Achilles injury, he won’t ever be the same again.
This is especially unfortunate for the Wizards, who previously inked Wall to a four-year, $170 million extension which only just kicked in this season.
In the final year of his contract, when Wall is approaching 33-years-of-age, he will earn a sickening $46.8 million dollars, in what might be this century’s biggest financial disaster not caused by the subprime mortgage market.
4 years, $160 million
(3 years, $124 million remaining)
After working to adjust the CBA to his own advantage, Chris Paul’s financial gain is currently the Thunder’s loss.
Of course, OKC had to pull the trigger on that Paul Geroge trade, faced with an unhappy superstar and a record-setting haul offered in exchange for him.
Paul will also likely be traded at some point, but for now, his deal is looking nasty as hell.
Tim Hardaway Jr
4 years, $71 million
(2 years, $37.1 million remaining)
$18 million a year is a lot of money for a guy with a questionable defensive past averaging 10 points per game on 37 percent shooting.
Admittedly, even if Hardaway doesn’t lift his game, his contract was a bitter pill worth swallowing for Dallas in the Kristaps Porzingis trade.
4 years, $40 million
(4 years, $40 million remaining)
Jordan was a terrible defender and an egregious stat-padder last season and not much has changed this year.
But being buddies with Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving ensured DJ landed a 4-year, $40 million deal that he absolutely did not deserve.
Dude is rich by association.